Daiko-n

I remember when I joined this site years ago (back in 2003) and thought that this was one of the best places online, EVER. ...things have changed a lot since then obviously- LOTS & LOTS of things with the site (and with myself, but I'll get to that later) and it seems that some things have changed for the worse -sigh- ...

Honestly, I don't understand what the staff is thinking by implementing the points system and letting it be used to pay for commissions- I heard about this from others off dA, but reading through Pupukachoo's description of the system (from her tumblr) is almost rage-inducing... paying artists for actual work with play money that has to be converted into real money AT A LOSS? Why on Earth didn't the staff implement a system that facilitates easier payment though something that already exists like PayPal or even Amazon Payments- both of these work quite well and wouldn't have been hard to have integrate with the site so... why not? (I have an idea of the answer, but am not going to get into that now)

I've already been pretty inactive on dA for a number of reasons, but hearing that something like the above is actually done- that's reason enough stop using the site and blacklist using dA's services- which is a real shame because this place provides several great features for artists to easily showcase their work & network online... -sigh-

-there is so much more that I could say about this (and other things) but I'm going to stop here for now since I don't want to give myself a headache.

I've been feeling tired & worn out- like I don't want to do much of anything... it's good that I'm going to talk to my Doctor this evening, looks like this is my depression acting up again (and I do need to get my medicine refilled) and I want to be healthy- not just for myself, but so I can be there for others, especially my husband (who has major depression- yay. -_-) -sigh-

I still am an artist, but I haven't been spending as much time on artwork...

I want to make art and work on lots of other things, like website-building & managing my beloved domain name; updating my forums; tweeting; putting some blogs on my website; making more oekaki work- and the list goes on but I think I need some sort of recharge to get my mental strength built back up and revive my creativity, I just wonder what it is that I need to do to recover myself.

Anyway, I'm doing pretty well on the whole (with regards to some things- at least I never had to bear the fate of being Diva to the Dragon like Rin did...) I'm now employed with a nice part-time job and I got to talk with one of my old teachers yesterday & visit him in his old classroom... actually, I guess I still feel somewhat sad and unsure- where do I go from here? I ask myself now since the past seemed so easy and straightforward- I thought that when I became an adult that somethings would just sort themselves out and this isn't the case. Things are better now than they were before, but I feel lonely and I don't know who to talk to and what to say for myself when I encounter others since I never thought I would change this much nor have to deal with what I do now... I wonder if I'm being terribly inflexible...?

Well, I know that I do have some expectations for myself (and my husband) that aren't currently being lived up to but that I don't know how to deal with- does this mean that I have to let go of the ideals I've held on to and cherished for so long, for so many years thinking and feeling that I was in the right? I envy my younger self- she seemed so sure of certain things at times, but I do like who I am and I know that most of the time I'm doing a good job (but not my best unfortunately). -sigh- -there's so much that I don't know, and so many people and things I've fallen behind with and out of touch with- I don't like this

Still, I'm pretty happy about a lot of things and I will move forwards and onwards as well as I can.


If you read all of this, thank you very much for listening to me, you have my gratitude.

Talk to you next time, take care~ :3